Why Your Psychotherapist Isn’t Your Friend No comments yet
It isn’t rare for people to develop close associations with their psychotherapists. After all, clients and their psychotherapists sit in close proximity inside a room working through personal and very sensitive topics every week. Not only this, but the trust and relationship established between a counselor and client is thought to be the most important determinant of effective therapy. Does this suggest a psychotherapist and client should think about one another as friends? Although some individuals surely feel so, almost all psychotherapists will strongly disagree.
In contrast to many relationships, which are naturally two-sided, the psychotherapy relationship is a one-sided relationship that’s different from virtually any other relationship you could have, whether it is professional or personal.
Most relationships are a give-and-take — we reveal more regarding ourselves as the other individual does the same. As a friend, we would probably have shared numerous experiences beyond just sitting inside the same room conversing every week and we would be likely to be familiar with quite a lot about each other.
If you’ve experienced therapy before, you’re perhaps aware that, in psychotherapy, it is the client who conveys their private wishes, feelings, problems, and anxieties. The psychotherapist does not. The reason for this is so both your therapist and you can concentrate completely on helping you surmount the difficulties which led you to therapy in the first place.
That having been said, you may be wondering, if the trust and rapport created between a therapist and client is fundamental to psychotherapy’s success, how can you achieve this rapport and trust in this type of one-sided relationship?
A client’s trust in their therapist is initially developed on the therapist’s promise of client confidentiality. Following that, the trust and rapport between a client and therapist strengthens as the therapist proves themselves adept at being attentive to, and understanding, the client and helping the client create the change they seek.
This isn’t to imply that psychotherapy shouldn’t be “friendly.” Although, just how friendly will depend on both you and your therapist’s personalities as well as on your therapist’s approach to treatment.
Many psychotherapists, especially those who use psychoanalysis, believe they should not disclose anything concerning themselves to clients. In not revealing anything, they present themselves as clean slates to their clients, so that it is easier for clients to project and “transfer” the ideas, thoughts, and feelings they have about others in life (their parents, siblings, spouses, etc.) onto the psychotherapist.
Other therapists are much more ready to share their thoughts, feelings, and personal lives with clients as they believe clients are much more likely to express themselves honestly if the counselor is perceived as being authentic or “real.” Although this may well open the therapeutic relationship to a greater danger of being confused for a friendship, many mental health practitioners believe it is important to achieve an equilibrium between being friendly yet professional.
That having been said, you should not expect your therapist to become your friend, even once you’ve formally concluded your treatment, since this would produce what is referred to as a “dual relationship.”
Dual relationships occur when two individuals simultaneously manage two very distinct kinds of relationships with each other. Some examples of a dual relationship in psychotherapy could be a therapist treating a relative or friend or a therapist becoming romantically involved with a client. Practically all dual relationships are viewed as unethical in therapy.
The primary reason dual relationships are viewed as unethical in the psychotherapy profession is that any problems in an external relationship can very easily lead to conflicts in the therapeutic relationship. For instance, should you be upset with your therapist because they did not attend a party of yours, you are likely to be less willing to open up and truthfully express yourself in treatment. Romantic relationships between therapists and clients are unethical for numerous reasons, one of which being that they enable a psychotherapist to exploit the power inherent in the therapeutic relationship.
Your therapist should be someone you are comfortable with and they should be easy to communicate with. They may even be friendly. Just bear in mind, regardless of how well you and your therapist get along, the therapeutic relationship shouldn’t be confused with friendship. By recognizing the strictly professional nature of the therapeutic relationship you’ll be better able to concentrate on overcoming the issues which led you to psychotherapy and effecting the positive, enduring changes you’re seeking to generate.
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